Regrets Of An Astrophysicist: Mitto
by Dude-It's-Sam-Not-Sammy
Summary: Rodney after the events of 'Sunday'. Spoilers for Sunday.
1. Mitto

Disclaimer: I thought we figured out that I don't own Stargate Atlantis. If I did then Carson would be, well alive.

Enjoy! Spoilers for Sunday.

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Regrets Of An Astrophysicist: Mitto

Prologue: Pertristis

Part 1/3

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Today a friend of mine died.

I still can't believe it. He was talking one the radio and then just… wasn't. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of people, my friends dying on me! And what's worse is it was because of me. If I would've just gone on that stupid fishing trip of his, none of this…. Carson might still be alive. It's funny because in a sick, twisted way, I sort of hate him. Hate him for trying to save everyone, no matter the cost.

I promised I would go fishing with Carson next week. What I never…, what I never stopped to realize was next week might not come. So I lied to him. Looked him straight in the face and told him that Katie wanted me to spend the day with her. Now, I'm not even sure if it was worth it. And you know the funny thing about is? I would give ANYTHING to go on that trip with Carson, even if it would be the last. I would DO anything to hear him talk about his boring stories. I bailed on a friend for my personal benefit.

I really never thought it would be one of us. Never thought it would be Carson. I mean the man hates,… hated going off-world. Not including the trip to Atlantis, in the three years he was here, he maybe stepped through the gate, what 6, 7 times? Atlantis was supposed to be safe! I mean if anyone was going to die first, it should have been me! God knows I've come close more than enough. And for Carson to die because I made an idiotic mistake and screwed up is just… I just don't know if I can live with that.

So today, because of me, a friend of mine died.

I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life,

because the last words I said to my best friend in person, was a lie.

And that's what's killing me…

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This is a short story, one of most likely 3 parts. I couldn't wait for the next SGA ep so I wrote something for in between. The events of this story will most likely be used in reference in Memoirs Of An Astrophysicist. 

Translations: Latin:

Mitto- Letting Go

Pertristis- So Very Sorry (Very sorrowful)


	2. Meum Proelium

Regrets Of An Astrophysicist: Mitto

Rodney's plan: Meum Proelium

Part 2/3

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5 day's later

Friday 6:43 P.M

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Intro:

The silence in the halls was deafening as I walked by. I was a man on a mission. What is the mission you ask? We'll you'll just have to read and find out, now won't you?

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'I can't believe the last few days.' I think 'It all seems so surreal.' 

I round the corner and stop at the training room doors. I wave my hand in front of the side panel. The door opens and I see Ronon stick fighting with some marine. It doesn't last long of course so as the marine excuses himself to lick his wound I take that time to approach him.

I take a deep breath and, for lack of a better term, spit it out.

"I'm going fishing on the mainland this Sunday, would you like to come? I've already asked Teyla, so she'll be there and I'm about to ask Sheppard. So… do you want to come?"

That's what I meant to say, but I said it so fast it came out as one long run-on sentence. Still he must have understood it because he just looks at me for a minute.

"Sure. Just give me a time."

Okay that was easier than I thought it would be.

"Great, meet in the Jumper Bay around 12?"

"Sounds good."

"Yeah good, I'll be ah…" and I point to the door.

"Yeah see you."

And with that I leave. Time to deal with Sheppard. I head to his quarters.

* * *

10 hours earlier

* * *

"How'd it go back on earth?" 

" It was, um it was awful. Your family was amazing"

"Aye, they are. Good turn out?"

"Ah, packed the church."

"Oh, that's good to hear."

"It's not going to be the same around with out you."

"Oh you're telling me. After all, I am the one who was killed".

"Carson I'm sorry…"

"Oh you're 'Sorry' now are ya? But sorry isn't going to bring me back , now will it?"

I meant to speak louder but it only came out as a whisper "No… It won't"

"Aye, I thought so. Just remember one thing, Rodney. You killed me, not that explosion."

I jerk awake from the disturbing dream I was having. It wasn't the first and I have a feeling that it won't be the last. I sigh, get up and start to get dressed. Five day's. I can't believe it's been five days since Carson…

Anyway, we just got back from Earth yesterday, so Elizabeth gave us today off. No missions, no labs, no injuries. Ha, we'll see how that works out. As I get ready to walk out the door, I have a stroke of brilliance, an idea. I rush out the room in a hurry to put my plan in to action.

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5 hours earlier

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East Tower Balcony

----

Teyla walks out on to the balcony to find Sheppard leaning against the railing. She offers a half-hearted smile. "Hello John."

He looks up. "Oh, hey Teyla. What are ya doing way out here?"

Teyla smiles "I could ask you the same thing."

"Yeah, just thinking, I guess."

"Hmm, yes there has bee a lot of that for every one lately. May I be so bold to inquire what it is you are thinking about?"

"About who, actually. Rodney, I'm worried about him. You should have saw him, back on Earth. The only time he said anything was when he was talking to … to Carson's mother. Ever since then I haven't seen him utter a word. Not me, not Ronon, Zelenka, or even Elizabeth." Sheppard then looked up at Teyla. "Has he said anything to you since we returned?"

She shakes her head. "No. I am sorry. He has not."

"Well he's going to have to talk about it whether or not he wants to. Shutting down isn't going to make things better for him."

"Yes, I agree. If you'll excuse me, I must go."

"Yeah, Yeah, go ahead, I'm sorry I kept you this long."

"It was no trouble." Teyla walks out leaving Sheppard to his thoughts.

"What's going on in that freaky genius head of yours, Rodney?"

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Translation: Meum Proelium- My Own Armageddon

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	3. Requiescat in Pace, Mei Amici

Regrets Of An Astrophysicist: Tabellae Vado

The Final Scene/ Closing Act: Requiescat in Pace, Mei Amici

Part 3/3

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4 hours earlier

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I walk down the hall start to the voices of Sheppard and Teyla. 

"….isn't going to make things better for him."

"….If you'll excuse me…"

I see Teyla walk out. As I move closer to the door I hear Sheppard speak.

"What's going on in that freaky genius head of yours, Rodney?"

I quietly respond to myself "You don't want to Col. You don't want know."

I take another route to find Teyla. As I finally catch up to her I call her to get her attention.

"Hey, Teyla wait up!"

Teyla turns around looking quite surprised. "Dr. McKay, hello."

"Yeah, hi. Um listen, I'm going fishing this Sunday on the main land. Would you like to come?"

The look of pity that she gives me almost makes me regret asking. Almost.

"Rodney…"

I cut her off before she can say anything else. "Look, I'm going to go with or without you; however I just thought it would be nice to have some company."

She nods. "Then I would be honored. Where shall I meet you?"

"The Jumper Bay at 12."

"I will be there."

I smile. "Thank you." She bows her head and I leave. One down two to go.

* * *

10 minuets earlier

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"Great, meet in the Jumper Bay around 12?" 

"Sounds good."

"Yeah good, I'll be ah…" and I point to the door.

"Yeah see you."

And with that I leave. Time to deal with Sheppard. I head to his quarters.

* * *

20 minutes after 6:53 pm,

Present time

* * *

I stop outside Sheppard's room. I know he has to be here because the several marines I talked to said that this is where he was headed. That and the fact that I looked everywhere else. I ring the bell. A few minutes later Sheppard shows up. "Hey, Rodney's what's up?" 

Even as he say's this he flinches it his words. I ignore him and he steps aside so I can come in. The door closes and turn around to face him. "I need to talk to you about something."

"Yeah, sure of course."

" Alright. Teyla, Ronon, and I are going fishing on the main land this Sunday and I was hoping you would come with."

He gives me the same look as Teyla and amazingly he say's the same thing too.

"Rodney..."

"No. I know what you're going to say and I don't want to hear it. I'm just here to ask you a simple question of whether or not you're free this Sunday to go fishing."

"I know you Rodney, but if this is about you still feeling guilty about what happened to Carson…"

"It isn't. Not completely."

"Then what?"

I take a deep breath and look at Sheppard. "I never told you this but when I bailed out on Carson that Sunday, he… he made me promise that I'd go next week. This Sunday. And I agreed. I never thought he wouldn't… but I still promised him. So whether or not Carson is here, I'm going. I lied to him then. I'm not about to do it again now."

Sheppard nodded. "Alight. I'll go. What time?"

I start to get up and head to the door. "12 in the Jumper Bay."

He smiles and nods. "I'll be there."

"Thanks. I'll see you later." Then I walk away.

* * *

2 days later

Sunday 1:15 PM, Atlantis Mainland

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"Do you have ANY idea what you're doing, Rodney?" 

I smirk at Sheppard. "Nope, not a clue."

Sheppard snorts and I look back toward the ocean. It wasn't long before Ronon put his two cents in.

"You know McKay, I have to agree with Sheppard on the one. It's been over and hour and fifteen minutes and you still haven't caught anything."

I turn to look at him. "Well fish don't usually bit when there's no bait on the hook. At least not any fish I know of. But then again we are in another galaxy."

Sheppard and Ronon look at me in utter disbelief but it was Teyla who decided to speak up.

"If there is none of this 'bait' on the hook then what is the purpose of this game? Is it not to 'catch fish'."

I look back at the ocean before I answer. "You see, really the purpose of this game is not to catch fish, but is the object of just fishing itself. Whether or not you catch anything doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is you, the pole, and the ocean."

Sheppard, who has now moved from disbelief to shock, begins to talk. "Since when did you get all metaphorical?"

"I don't know. About the same time that giant space trout pulled you in the water."

Sheppard of course, as expected tries to defend himself. "Well, besides the fact that was a really big fish. I was unprepared. It was a lucky shot, won't happen again."

"Uh-huh, If you say so." I turn to look at everyone. "This was nice. We should do this again sometime."

Teyla smiled. "Yes we should."

Sheppard looks down at his watch. "Whoa, it's 3:04 already. We should be heading back." Everyone nods in agreement and starts to pack up. When everything is packed in the Jumper, Sheppard comes back to where I'm standing. A small cliff with the view of the mid-afternoon sun. "Hey Rodney, you ready?"

Without looking back I respond. "Yeah. Just give me a minute."

"Alright." And he walks back to the Jumper.

So here I am. Standing with my fishing pole, at the top of a cliff. I sigh and lay the fishing pole on the ground. "I'm sorry you weren't here for this Carson. I hope that one day you can forgive me. Requiescat in Pace, Mei Amici. Requiescat in Pace."

As I walk back to the Jumper I could've sworn I head someone say, in a familiar Scottish accent, "I already have, lad. I already have."

I don't turn around; I know no one will be there. But at that moment, at that precise moment in time, I realize that this isn't going to be the last we'll see of the one Carson Beckett.

And for the first time in a week, I smile. A real genuine smile. Because also for the first time in week, I know everything's going be alright.

"It's a big universe Carson, and unfortunately the volume doesn't reach way down here. So I'm afraid you're just going to have to tell me in person."

And with unquestioned certainty I knew that somewhere, I heard Carson laugh…

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**The End**

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Translations: Requiescat in Pace, Mei Amici- Rest in peace, my friend

**A/n:** Well that's it! I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! I'd like to think that Carson, somewhere out there is still alive and will be back. I'd like to thank all of you who took the time to read and/or review for this story.

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End file.
